Fighting Fair
Even in the most harmonious homes, parents will occasionally disagree. While many people believe arguing in front of children is inappropriate, disagreements actually provide a great opportunity to model conflict resolution skills.
On the surface, seeing parents argue may sound like a negative experience for children. However, when parents understand how to model healthy compromise and resolution, children actually can learn a great lesson that will stay with them throughout their lives.
“Parents need to take advantage of teaching moments,” said Jeffrey Dolgan, PhD, Senior Psychologist on staff at Children's Hospital Colorado. “Before a discussion gets heated, parents should calm down, take a break and logically resolve the situation later. Human nature makes it inevitable that people will argue, so it is important to teach children to handle conflict appropriately.”
Lay the Ground Rules
Consider the following recommendations for constructive conflict resolution:
- Choose your words wisely by avoiding name-calling, yelling or involving the children.
- Express yourself without foul language.
- Avoid attacking statements, such as “You always…” or “You never…” and instead describe how the person’s actions made you feel.
- Apologize to one another after the conflict is resolved and offer forgiveness.
“The goal is to offer resolution without the stress of yelling or screaming,” Dr. Dolgan said. “Arguments should be handled as a partnership, and teaching this skill to children will help them build strong social skills.”
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