Many kids want to have all of the "it" playthings and clothes they see in ads, store aisles, or their playmates' toy bins. And as they get older, kids often think they need more and more of the very best brand-name gadgets, gizmos, and garb to make them happy. But a new study shows that kids who feel good about themselves are far less likely to be materialistic — to feel like they need or even want all of that "stuff."
In a two-part study of students ages 8-18, researchers found that low self-esteem boosts materialism, whereas raising self-esteem makes materialism plummet.
For the first part of the study, the researchers assessed the self-esteem of 150 kids and teens by giving them index cards to describe how they feel about themselves (for example, "I feel good about myself" all of the time, most of the time, sometimes, or never). Then they asked the kids to make a collage, using words and phrases the researchers provided to describe what makes them happy (like "money," "popular brand names," "being with friends," "getting good grades," "basketball," "mom," etc.).
In part two of the study, the researchers conducted the same tests in 105 kids in the same age groups. But before the self-esteem and materialism tests, some of the kids were given a paper plate with positive comments (like "fun," "pretty," "smart," "funny") written about them by their peers. The researchers discovered that this one small gesture boosted early adolescents' self-esteem and totally shifted their expressions about materialism, too.
As previous studies have shown, the researchers also found that kids' self-esteem goes up from late childhood to early adolescence and then declines during the teens, when kids are dealing with all kinds of changes and emotions. And when kids become teens, they may start placing extra value on possessions to cope with common feelings of low self-esteem and insecurity, as well as to express their sense of self to others.
But the researchers found that even the most basic actions to boost a child's self-esteem can make a huge impression on how kids feel about themselves and how much importance they place on material things.
What This Means to You
Kids who feel good about themselves are not only less materialistic, they also seem to have an easier time handling conflicts and resisting negative pressures. They tend to smile more readily and enjoy life. These kids are more likely to be realistic and generally optimistic.
Here are some simple ways to boost kids' self-esteem at any age:
- Call attention to any negative comments kids make about themselves. Point out things that they should feel good about instead - friends, a supportive family, special skills, or successes and efforts in school and sports.
- Give positive, accurate feedback and keep criticism constructive. Never name-call, berate, or belittle.
- Provide honest praise whenever it's called for — but don't overdo it. Kids can tell when you aren't being sincere.
- Be a positive role model by nurturing your own self-esteem. Don't be too hard on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations.
- Identify and redirect inaccurate beliefs that can set kids up for failure. If a child says, "I can't do math. I'm a bad student," a helpful response might be: "You are a good student. Math is just a subject that you need to spend more time on. We'll work on it together."
- Keep the affection coming. Give tons of spontaneous hugs and make a habit of telling your kids you're proud of and love them.
- Create a safe, nurturing home environment. Kids who repeatedly see or hear their parents argue may become depressed and withdrawn. And use positive discipline like time-outs and removal of privileges rather than spanking.
Of course, some kids might need a little more help than others to build healthy, positive self-esteem, especially during the often emotionally tough teen years. Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional if you're concerned.
As the holidays approach, kids of all ages can feel better about themselves by helping others and showing just how much they care. To put the kibosh on cravings for material things and reinforce the real reason for the season, teach your kids to:
- Make a constructive contribution (volunteering, mentoring, or tutoring a classmate). Not only can this boost kids' self-esteem and help them be more appreciative of what they have, it also can show them that giving of their time, effort, and kindness is so much more rewarding than just expecting to receive mountains of material goods.
- Give gifts with meaning — homemade presents, donations in loved one's names, gifts of their time ("coupons" for free car washes, specially prepared meals, babysitting services, etc.).
- Create new family traditions and renew old ones that focus more on the togetherness and warmth of this time of year rather than on the "things."
- Be savvy consumers. Talk to kids about what they think of products being advertised or why they put certain items on their likely ever-increasing wish lists. Ask questions like, "Do you think you need that product?" and "Do you think that product will make you happy?".
Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD
Date reviewed: November 2007
Source: "Growing Up in a Material World: Age Differences in Materialism in Children and Adolescents," Journal of Consumer Research, Dec. 2007.
