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KidsPoll: What Kids Worry About

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Most parents are well aware that preteens worry about looks, schoolwork, and fitting in. But you might be surprised to learn that what preteens worry about most is the health of loved ones.

A new KidsHealth KidsPoll surveyed 1,154 kids ages 9 to 13. More than half the kids ― 55% ― said they worry "almost all the time" about the health of a loved one. For preteens, that concern surpassed worries about the future (43%), schoolwork (37%), and looks or appearance (37%).

Worry about the health of a loved one ― whether it's a parent, grandparent, sibling, or a pet ― is a concern kids often experience. But the KidsPoll showed that 23% of kids surveyed said they talk to a parent when they worry. So while kids might worry a lot about loved ones, parents often are likely to be unaware of those concerns.

A Natural Worry

It's natural to worry about those we love. Parents can certainly relate. Several factors may help explain why these worries are so often on the minds of preteens:

Growing awareness. Preteens are exposed to a flood of new safety and health information ― in the classroom, in the community, at home, and in the media. They learn that people should use seatbelts, wear a helmet, eat healthy foods, and not smoke. They hear about things like heart attacks and strokes, cancer, and AIDS. They learn about the dangers of excessive drinking, drug use, and inattentive or reckless driving. As kids learn to be mindful of safety and health, they can feel more vulnerable and might worry about the health of those they love and depend on.
Personal experiences. Some kids have parents with chronic health conditions, serious illnesses, or stressful life circumstances. Some have siblings or other relatives who are affected by health problems. As they mature, preteens become more aware of death, and they may begin to think about the health and mortality of parents or grandparents. Some have experienced a personal loss or know someone who has. If they hear about a loss they can relate to, it's not unusual for kids to worry whether they'll lose a loved one, too.
More independence. During the preteen years, kids are exploring the world more independently, without a parent always at their side. They're taking more responsibility for keeping themselves safe ― on the sports field, in the pool, crossing the street, walking to school, and at home alone after school. They become more aware of risks as part of learning about good safety and health habits. They revel in this independence. Though they might behave as if they need their parents less, in truth this is a time when many kids worry more than ever about parents and need their love, protection, guidance, and reassurance.

What Kids Do When They're Worried

Kids react to worry in different ways. In some cases, worry prompts them to express their concern in a positive way or try to make positive changes. For example, preteens may remind parents to wear a seatbelt or bike helmet, or ask them not to smoke. Sometimes, this can be just the push a parent needs to kick a bad habit or develop a good one. After all, your kids learn by the example you set. In other cases, kids might say nothing about their worries. They may assume friends and families know about their troubles, or it may just not come up in conversation.

Helping Kids Deal With Their Biggest Worry

Unfortunately, parents can't keep kids from worrying. But they can provide relief, perspective, reassurance, and support. Be sure to:

Ask about it. Since kids may not initiate the conversation, parents need to find ways to do so. Sometimes a child's questions or comments provide hints. For example, a child who comments that it's not good for people to smoke could be asked, "Does it worry you that I smoke?" Use questions and patient listening to find out what's on your child's mind.
Take good care of yourself. When parents lead a healthy lifestyle, it helps minimize a potential source of concern for kids. So eat healthy, don't smoke, don't abuse alcohol, get plenty of exercise, take time to relax, and have fun to lessen your kids' concerns and set a good example for healthy living.
Watch what you say. Be mindful of how you communicate about health matters. You could cause unnecessary worry and stress with comments such as, "This job is killing me!" or "You're going to have a heart attack if you don't slow down!" When teaching your kids to stay safe and healthy, avoid using worst-case scenarios or exaggerating the risks just to make your point. For instance, if you're trying to get your resistant son to wear his winter coat, it's not a good idea to use a statement like "if you don't wear your coat, you're going to get frostbite ― people lose fingers that way!"
Know what kids learn and hear about. Find out what your kids are learning in school so you can correct misconceptions, provide reassurance, dispel unnecessary worries, and talk about the information together.

Worrying Too Much?

If your child's worrying seems constant or interferes with concentration, sleep, school, or play, talk with your doctor. Constant, repeated, or intense worry can be signs of an anxiety issue that needs treatment.

About the Poll

The national KidsPoll surveyed 1,154 9- to 13-year-old boys and girls about what they worry about. The KidsPoll is a collaboration of the Nemours Foundation/KidsHealth; the Department of Health Education and Recreation at Southern Illinois University Carbondale; the National Association of Health Education Centers (NAHEC); and participating health education centers throughout the United States.

Those centers include: