Coping with Current Events: How to Talk to Kids About Upsetting News

Especially in the wake of a notable event, parents should be accessible physically and emotionally. Reassure your child that they are safe. Listen to why they’re anxious and discuss it with them.

Dr. Glover recommends starting with these questions:

• What are you seeing?
• How are you feeling about what you’re seeing?
• What questions do you have?

After a crisis, kids are often most afraid of the unknown. They wonder if the event will happen again and if they’ll feel afraid again. Kids need to tell their story, so parents should give them plenty of time and space to do so. It is natural for younger children to play out their fears, and parents should play and interact with them to better understand their concerns.

“Kids are always tuned in,” says Dr. Glover. “Even when you think they’re playing in the background while you’re watching the news, they can pick up on what you’re watching.”

Depending on their age and critical thinking ability, some kids may not understand the process behind a story they see on the news. When they see video footage multiple times, it may be difficult to understand that it’s the same event. Parents should monitor the amount of news their young child is exposed to and be intentional about it. If you let them watch, explain to them what they’re watching and ask them about how it makes them feel and if they have questions.

With adolescents, talks can become more in-depth and conversational. “Having a back and forth with your teen about what they’re thinking and feeling can help them begin to process in a healthy way,” says Dr. Glover.

Parents might ask and give their child space to talk openly about the following:

• There’s a lot going on. What headspace are you in right now?
• What are you seeing on social media?
• Have you posted anything?
• What are your friends posting?
• What do you agree and disagree with?
• What are your reactions?

For preteens and teens, watching too much news coverage on TV and scrolling past it on social media can be stressful and traumatizing. Even if your child wants to stay informed, help them think about the quality and quantity of their consumption. Encourage them to set their own limits and boundaries on how much they consume. Be sure to take your own advice, too. Regulating your intake of news coverage may help you more calmly talk with your child about what’s happening.

Ask your teen questions like:

• Is time on your phone this week making you feel better or worse?
• What sites do you want to visit less this week?
• Do you feel like you’re taking breaks from your phone?
• What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?
• How can we help you feel less overwhelmed?

Carefully listen to your child, says Dr. Glover. Acknowledge that their fears, concerns and anger are valid. “Instead of minimizing or trying to solve the problem,” she says, “simply giving them the space to talk about it can help a lot.”

Together, find healthy ways to cope and manage stress. Physical activity is one of the best ways to accomplish this. This could include encouraging physical play, going for a walk or finding a fun YouTube exercise or dance tutorial video to follow along with. Other mindful techniques that can help include listening to calming music and practicing mediation and breathing.

Many of the questions kids ask may be difficult to answer. That’s OK.

Before answering your child’s question, it can be helpful to ask them more about what they want to know. This may help you with your response. It’s also OK to admit that you don’t know the answer. If that’s the case, try brainstorming with your child about ways to find the answer together. You can even incorporate lessons about the importance of finding accurate information.

• Who else could we ask?
• What is a reputable source and how do we find it?

Keep in mind that some things may simply take time to learn, and it’s OK to tell your child that. For instance, many kids may ask about when they’ll go back to school during the COVID-19 pandemic. Depending on your unique situation, you may not know the answer. But you can look at the research, talk to administrators and make a game plan for not knowing. Doing those things may help you answer your child as best you can.

“It’s important to notice how we as parents are speaking about events that involve politics,” says Dr. Glover. “Try to refrain from using inflammatory language and instead take a more objective approach.” For instance:

• Rather than calling people “good” or “bad,” describe their actions, what was helpful or unhelpful or hurtful, and try to relate it back to your family’s values.
• Talk with your kids about what to do when they disagree with what’s happening. Are there appropriate ways to make their voice heard that are respectful toward other people but that also help them stand up for what they believe in?

Learn more tips for talking with kids about politics.

First and foremost, you should explain that violence is never the answer in any situation.

• Start these conversations early. Young children might not understand the word “violence,” but you can teach them about how things like hitting and kicking aren’t the ways to show anger. Encourage them to talk about what is making them upset and explain why it’s important for them to use words that don’t hurt people either.
• Continue the conversation. For older kids and teens, ask about their thoughts on violence. Explain that you do not approve of violence as a way to solve problems but try not to lecture. Instead, have a dialogue and take advantage of teachable moments like news events.

Disagreements

“Communicate to your children that there are always other options than violence,” says Dr. Glover. “There are many ways we can respectfully disagree, work to find compromise and move forward together.” For younger kids, try describing how you’ve settled an argument or another conflict without violence.

School shootings and mass shootings

When talking about school shootings, keep the following in mind:

• Talk about possibility and probability. “Kids get scared, but by and large, schools are tremendously safe places,” Dr. Glover says. “Even though we may hear about several in the news, the probability of it happening is still low.”
• Tell your child that schools have safety plans in place so that everyone knows exactly what to do. If available, review the plan with your child.
• Ensure that your child knows attending school is important. Some kids may want to stop going to school when these events happen. “It’s OK to take mental health days,” says Dr. Glover, “but allowing your child to miss school for an extended period of time will make their anxiety worse and may affect them in other negative ways down the road."

Acts of terrorism

Be honest about what happened and open to questions. It’s OK if you don’t have all the answers. Often, kids are scared about their safety. Listen to their fears and do your best to reassure them that they are safe. Depending on the event, you may be able to talk about certain safety measures and community providers, like firefighters and police officers, that help ensure safety.

Domestic violence

This is one of the most common types of violence kids will witness or experience. As a parent, you should assume that your child knows more than you think they know. Start by providing straightforward messages of support or by asking what your child saw, feels or thinks about what happened. Children will often stop asking questions when they have enough information to feel safe and secure. Refrain from giving them more information than they need or want.

Offer messages like:

• The violence was not and is not OK.
• It is not your fault, and it is not your job or responsibility to prevent or change the situation.
• I’m sorry you had to see (or hear) that.
• I care about you. You are important.

This information is from The National Child Traumatic Stress Network’s (NCTSN) resources document called Questions and Answers about Child Physical Abuse. Visit the NCTSN website to learn more about physical abuse and domestic violence.

Sexual violence

Helping children learn about their bodies and sex isn’t one conversation. It should be a series of conversations starting from an early age. Begin by helping your child build empathy, which is the crucial foundation for all respectful relationships. When you’re ready to teach your child about their body, keep the following in mind:

• For young children, teach that no one is allowed to touch them without their permission — even family members and relatives. It’s also important for kids to know the names of body parts and which specific parts are especially important for others not to touch without permission. If your child has questions about sex, answer them honestly in terms they can understand.
• For adolescents and teenagers, be open to answering their questions, be honest, and be clear about your values. Help your child learn accurate information about sexual health.
• Teach your child about the difference between surprises and secrets. Surprises are kept quiet for a short time and are shared with others to make them happy. Secrets are kept for a long time and are meant to hide something that would make someone else feel mad or sad. Help your child understand that nobody should tell them to keep a secret from you.

Even from a young age, you should make consent a recurring topic in your conversations: who can give it, when they can give it and how to know when you have it. It’s crucial for kids to understand that anyone can withdraw consent at any time. If someone withdraws consent and the other person doesn’t stop, that is sexual violence and it’s wrong. Learn more about discussing romantic relationships and consent with kids.

Many parents grapple with how to talk about racism, hate and inequality with their children. However uncomfortable, though, these are topics that we should discuss with kids regularly, not only when they appear in the news. Learn how to encourage thoughtful, age-appropriate dialogue and understanding about race, protest and difference with your kids.

“Parents should talk to their children directly about death and loss,” says Dr. Glover. “Start by explaining what it is and what it means based on your family’s values and background.”

Grief takes time, and research shows when you lose an immediate family member it takes a two-year period to develop a new normal. It can help for children to understand that even though the person (or even a beloved pet) isn’t physically here anymore, it doesn’t mean their relationship with them has ended.

“Encourage your child to think about memories that celebrate the life of the person and how they were meaningful,” Dr. Glover says.

Find our tips for talking to children about death, by age group.

Judi’s House is a Colorado nonprofit organization that offers support and resources for grieving children and families.

Read about how to calm your child’s coronavirus anxiety and how to help your teen cope.

When a natural disaster occurs closer to home, it can be even scarier for kids. Learn specific tips for talking to kids about wildfires and helping young children stay calm after a natural disaster.

Of course, when an event is close to home, directly impacts your family or is compounded by other traumas, it can be exhausting. Read more advice about how to help children after traumatic events.

According to the American Psychological Association, many teens and young adults are increasingly stressed by high-profile events like climate change and political tension. Trouble coping can lead to mounting mental health concerns. It’s important to openly talk with kids about mental health, depression and suicide.

Enduring distressing world events is incredibly challenging for everyone, especially kids and teens. During times of strife or societal change, it isn’t unusual for pediatric mental health experts to see an increase in the number of children who are having trouble coping.

Early signs that your child may be struggling include:

• Being irritable and tearful
• Throwing tantrums or acting out
• Seeking constant reassurance
• Changes to sleeping or eating habits
• Isolating more
• Feeling less motivated or not being able to get things done, like schoolwork or chores
• Not enjoying the activities they normally would

When you start to see changes in your child’s behaviors and they don’t improve after several days, be sure to check in on them. This is especially important if your child already had mental health concerns before the event. Asking about depression, mental health or suicide does not create or intensify the problem.

Additionally, consider professional help from a child and adolescent psychologist. Call their primary care provider for guidance. Pediatric mental health experts at Children’s Colorado are also available to help.

If you’ve identified that stress may be affecting your child’s mental health, we’ve compiled a list of age-specific activities that can help them release their anger and frustration. If you have an immediate concern about your child’s safety and well-being, you should contact your child’s pediatrician or seek help first before using these strategies.

Current events are scary and stressful for everyone, not just kids. “It’s important for parents to remember to care for themselves,” says Dr. Glover.

Consider these self-care tips:

• Talk with other parents about how they’re approaching these types of conversations with their kids. That might help you build on the approach you’re taking with your own kids.
• Regulate your consumption of news coverage and social media. The less overwhelmed you feel by the event, the easier it is for you to calmly talk about it with your child.
• Identify your own feelings in response to distressing events and talk to friends about it. It is easier to talk to your children about these topics when you have already had a chance to process through it with another adult.