Supporting Kids’ Mental Health: From Coronavirus Anxiety to Languishing

Yes. It’s simple but continuing to talk to your child about COVID-19 is one of the most effective ways you can help support kids’ mental health during the pandemic. Take time to provide age-appropriate information to your child. Clarify information they bring to you, dispel myths and explain realistic ways your family can stay safe while preventing the spread of the virus.

“More than anything parents can just initiate conversations with their kids to understand what it is they might be worried about and be able to answer their questions,” says Jessica Hawks, PhD, a child and adolescent psychologist at Children’s Colorado. They may have questions or be anxious about something you haven’t even considered.

Remember, too, that like any other serious or potentially stressful topic, talking to your kids about COVID-19 shouldn’t be “one and done.” It’s important to keep the conversation going and to have open communication with your kids, no matter their age.

Learn more about talking to your kids about upsetting news and events.

Ask open-ended questions and follow your child’s lead. Ask them, “How are you feeling about life right now? What questions or concerns do you have about (fill in the blank)?” They will help you understand what their concerns are and what you can ask next.

Additional tips for checking in on your kids include:

• Discuss everything openly and regularly.
• Empathize with your kids about their stressors.
• Be reassuring.
• Help your child focus on what they can control, like wearing their mask, maintaining physical distancing, washing their hands and adjusting to changing guidelines, including getting vaccinated when it’s their turn.
• Model the behavior you’re promoting and be sure that you’re taking steps to manage your own stress and anxiety.

Get tips for checking in on your teen and helping them cope.

Limit media coverage

Set specific times of the day when you check in on the news but try to avoid it once you feel properly informed.

Go outside when you can

Get your family outside as often as you can, even if it’s hanging out in the yard. If you don’t have outdoor space or an easy-to-navigate neighborhood, look for other safe spaces for kids to play outdoors, like a park, when you can. Getting your family outside will help improve mood, refresh your mindset and increase resiliency.

Ease up on the screen time (but be realistic)

Spending more time being active and less time in front of a screen can boost your child’s mood (and yours). This is especially important given the increased reliance on virtual learning and time at home in front of phones, social media and streaming entertainment. That said, the challenges of working and learning from home are real, and if limiting screen time isn’t practical right now, that’s OK too.

Connect with others

Continue to maintain connections with loved ones even if you can’t physically be with them. With your children, write emails or letters to loved ones, make videos to share and call your family members. See if you can find one or two families to be in your pandemic “bubble:” a small social circle where the families are socializing amongst themselves and following public health guidelines. Or, organize playdates with kids from your child’s learning pod or cohort at school.

Especially if you are the primary caregiver for your kids during this time, don’t forget about your need to connect. Take time to get your own support from those who provide you with encouragement and solidarity. In order to care for your child’s needs, you need to care for your own.

Remember to show gratitude and humor

The ongoing pandemic has affected everyone differently. That means it’s even more important to engage in healthy coping behaviors as a family. Some ideas are:

• Finding gratitude, humor and fun wherever you can
• Creating a family gratitude jar
• Allowing yourself to be silly with your children
• Writing letters or sending care packages to friends and family members
• Finding ways to give back to your community or others who are having a difficult time

This is a time of increased stress and altered routines, but it can also be a time to find joy if you make it a priority to look for it. Learn other healthy ways to cope with stress.

Don’t skip the trip to the pediatrician

No matter your child’s age, seeing their pediatrician regularly will help ensure they’re healthy and that they’re receiving screening for mental health concerns like anxiety and depression. Though we often think of the doctor’s office as a place for physical health, your pediatrician helps ensure that your child is healthy in body and in mind. Going to the doctor at least once per year will help your child or teen thrive.

Learn about the importance of well-care visits for kids, by age.

Socializing less is challenging for all of us, but especially for preteens and teenagers. Teens rely on their friends and view contact with them as extremely important. They’re also gaining independence and actively questioning authority. So, how do we help them cope with these changes and continue to follow public health advice that can protect their health, and ours?

Get specific tips for checking in on your teen during the pandemic.

All of us are going to have good days and bad days. Allow your child the space to grieve everything they are missing: a normal school year, family gatherings, sports, milestones, vacations and anything else they’re missing. This is a good time to check in on your kids, especially teens, frequently. Try to spend some family time together having fun every day — even if it's short.

When you start to see changes in your kid’s behaviors and they don’t improve after several days, be sure to check in on them and consider professional help. Your pediatrician can provide guidance if you’re concerned. Child and adolescent psychologists at Children's Colorado are also available to help, including virtually.

Early signs that your child may be struggling include:

• Being irritable and tearful
• Acting out or throwing tantrums
• Seeking constant reassurance
• Changes to sleeping or eating habits
• Isolating more
• Feeling less motivated or not being able to get things done, like schoolwork or chores
• Not enjoying the activities they would normally

Keep an eye out for these signs of a more serious problem like depression in your child:

• Consistently appearing withdrawn or unmotivated
• A change in sleeping or eating habits
• Lack of enjoyment for anything
• Frequent crying
• Irritability
• Feeling sad most of the day for more than a couple weeks

Languishing can include a lack of motivation and interest, feeling stagnant or stuck, and struggling to start behaviors and concentrate on tasks. Many parents have reported their kids feeling this way.

For most of the pandemic, kids experienced major disruptions to their daily routines and adjusted to new learning environments that required more effort with less satisfying results. This ongoing experience of having to put in more while getting out less often leads to a feeling of emptiness and lack of fulfillment in our day-to-day experiences.

Parents likely have seen this in their children at some point and for some children this is an ongoing state of emotion for months. Signs of languishing include youth showing little to no emotion and appearing flat, not expressing excitement about things in their lives and completing work in a robotic way.

If you’re concerned your child is languishing it’s helpful to talk directly to them about it, explain to them what languishing is and validate their emotions. Just naming an emotional experience helps improve a child’s mood and validating their struggle is an excellent way to connect and support your child.

Having kids spend time each week engaged in a low-stress activity that creates positive emotions is another way to help with languishing. This allows kids to get fully absorbed in the present moment, which helps calm negative emotions associated with languishing.

Getting vaccinated can provide a sense of empowerment for kids because it’s something they can proactively do to protect themselves and others. Emphasizing how getting the vaccine keeps them and everyone safer can be a helpful way to reduce anxiety related to the virus while increasing positive emotions related to service and connection to others.

Getting vaccinated increases the likelihood that children can safely engage in activities with others. These social connections improve resiliency and foster a sense of normalcy. Getting vaccinated and increasing interaction can also increase hope for the future, which helps reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.  

One of the hardest parts of the pandemic has been the constant change and interruptions (from in-person school to remote to hybrid to quarantine, etc.). The lack of predictability makes it difficult to meet a child’s need for stability. The vaccine helps provide stability by reducing the risk of contracting and transmitting COVID-19, which allows kids to engage in the activities they enjoyed before the pandemic without as many interruptions.

You can ease your child’s fears in several ways:

• Let your child talk about their fears or worries related to getting a COVID-19 vaccine. Start by listening and reflecting their concerns (e.g. you sound really scared that getting the vaccine might hurt a lot). Once you have reflected their concerns, be sure to provide reassurance and correct any misinformation they may have.
• Be mindful of the language you use with your children. Avoid using words like shot and needle and replace them with words like pinch and poke.
• Prepare your child. Let them know when they will be receiving the vaccine and what the plan for that day is. Honesty is the best approach and creates trust. Don’t surprise your child last minute in an attempt to reduce anxiety, because it reduces trust and can fuel, rather than calm, their fears.
• When it’s time for the vaccine, encourage relaxation through breathing or use distraction (singing, telling jokes, watching puppies on YouTube) to help shift their focus away from the shot or their worries about it.
• Emphasize how being vaccinated will benefit them, including being protected from the virus and quarantines, helping to protect others and being able to do more things that they enjoy.
• After they receive the vaccine, reinforce your child’s bravery and the importance of getting the vaccine. This can include high fives, verbal praise or a special treat.

One way to help kids cope is to be honest with them about the changing nature of the situation. Explain that “right now things are like this…” while acknowledging that they could change. When parents become aware of changes to their kids’ schooling it’s important to share that information with them as soon as possible and give them a chance to ask questions and share reactions to these changes.

Finally, having a routine and schedule is helpful for anchoring children, which can be difficult in a changing school environment. You can try to develop alternate schedules for at home learning, hybrid learning and in-person learning. Ideally, wake times and bedtimes should be as consistent as possible. Once you develop schedules, you can review them with your child. This helps your child know what to expect when changes happen even if you can’t control when those changes occur.

Get answers to parents' most commonly asked questions about going to school during the coronavirus pandemic.

For kids who are still learning online in some fashion, the primary advice remains the same: Do your best to be positive. “The number-one way kids learn is by watching what their parents do,” says Dr. Hawks. “So, if a parent can be optimistic and positive about the fact that their child is in online schooling, the child is more likely to embrace that philosophy and mentality and this can really be helpful overall.” This is true no matter how your school district is operating this year, whether online, in person or a hybrid of the two.

Learn more tips for learning at home during the coronavirus pandemic and what to know about screen time and video meeting fatigue.

As our situation changes and COVID restrictions vary, some people feel worried. They may have gotten used to life in the pandemic or be unsure if it’s really safe to return to some semblance of normal life. If your child feels this way, here are some tips to help them:

• First, it’s helpful to have an open discussion with your child about how they are feeling about returning to daily routines. Include open-ended questions about what they are excited about and what concerns they have about the return. This invites your child to talk openly about their internal thoughts and consider both positives and challenges without getting fixated on either. Once your child has shared these things it’s important for parents to first validate their experience. Reflect their thoughts back to them for confirmation. Say something like, “It sounds like you’re afraid that going back to school might make you feel overwhelmed and anxious.”
• Avoid jumping to problem-solving and ensure that you have taken time to carefully listen to and reflect your child’s thoughts and emotions.
• Once you have validated, it’s important to talk to your kids about what to expect when they return to typical routines. Create a plan for what steps they can take if things are not going well and reassure them that you will continue to be flexible.
• When children are anxious or worried about something, they will often cope by avoiding the situation. This is known as experiential avoidance and often leads to increasing anxiety. If your child is hesitant about getting back to life, help them take small manageable steps to expose them to these high-anxiety situations. Continue to support your child and validate their fears while moving forward with the expectation of re-entry into typical activities. If parents are having long-standing difficulty with children refusing to re-engage with life they should consult a mental health provider for support.

Children thrive on predictable routines and will look to the adults in their lives for reassurance and support as things change. Whether you’re preparing for the summer or returning to school, here are some general tips for creating a healthy routine.

Start your days with intention

Morning routines help start the day off on the right foot. Regular activities like making the bed, bathing, getting dressed for school or activities (even if they’re virtual) and eating a nutritious breakfast will support your child’s mental health.

Maintain regular contact with others

Maintaining positive social connections is vital for our well-being and health. While we may not be able to engage in face-to-face contact with friends and family as frequently yet, encourage kids to reach out to friends and loved ones through social media, video calls, phone or text.

Get out and move

Get your kids outside as often as you can. Take walks, ride bikes, exercise indoors or engage in outside play as a family each day. Movement can assist in managing negative emotions while increasing positive ones.

Learn ways to get in shape as a family, even in a pandemic.

Maintain a healthy sleep routine

Keep your child’s school-night bedtime the same during this time. This will help maintain a regular routine for your child and help them transition to in-person school or activities when that time comes. Avoid screen time, exercise and food for at least an hour or two before bed.

Learn more tips for helping kids fall (and stay) asleep.

Connect with your child

Try to set aside time each day to check in with your kids about how they are feeling and answer their questions. An activity known as “Thorn, Rose and Blossom” during dinner can help. In this activity, you ask each person to identify that day’s “thorn” (meaning something stressful or challenging), “rose” (meaning something positive or something they’re grateful for) and “blossom” (meaning something they are looking forward to).

Craving more? Our child life specialists compiled their top tips for creating schedules and activities for kids, whether they’re 3 or 18.

In a word: truthfully. In line with everything else your child has been through during the pandemic, they know that holiday, birthday, travel and other traditions won’t be the same. But openly talking about what’s happening and how it’s affecting plans can help prepare them for what it will be like for the near future.

Here are a few specific tips:

• Don’t promise things you can’t control. For example, avoid saying things like, “You will be able to see grandma and grandpa at your birthday or some other time soon.”
• It’s normal for kids to have a lot of emotions about changes in traditions, especially because many kids look forward to their birthdays and family gatherings. Model healthy expression of disappointment by letting your child know it’s OK to have those feelings and that you feel them, too.
• Be open about the fact that there are some things we can’t control. Help your child begin to learn acceptance and why it’s important to go with the flow.

We can keep some old traditions and do things virtually, but being home may mean your family has more time to try new activities, too.

• Look up safe events happening in your community and make a plan to attend. This could be drive-in movies, safe outdoor activities or other creative work-arounds.
• Find fun ways to decorate your house. If Christmas is the only time you decorate your house each year, try other holidays this year.
• Give back by participating in food drives.
• Have your kids help make a cooked meal for a neighbor or someone in need and plan to safely drop it off at their door.
• Include your kids in planning holiday meals and treats. Let them help with preparation and cooking.
• Have a scavenger hunt. This can be a birthday activity or themed for a holiday or tradition.

Connecting on topics that aren’t related to the coronavirus can do wonders for someone’s mental health.

Acknowledge their fear and tell them that you are worried too. Talk with them about the things you can do to stay safe and keep others from getting sick, like getting vaccinated when you’re eligible, wearing a mask and staying safer at home. Acknowledge what you can control and what you can’t, for example:

What you can control:

• Learning about the COVID-19 vaccine from trusted resources and getting the vaccine when you can
• Washing your hands
• Maintaining social distancing when outside
• Wearing a face covering
• Following local health and safety guidelines

What you cannot control:

• Other people’s behavior
• Changes in daily life like online or hybrid school
• The nature of the coronavirus
• Changes to local regulations or restrictions

We are so sorry for your loss.

There are no shortcuts for grief. Allow your child to cry or express their grief however they want. Try to listen openly. It’s okay to express your own grief too. Find something that you can do as a family to commemorate your loved one’s life that fits with your family’s beliefs: write something about them, create a photo montage, paint a stone in your garden with their initials, pray together or watch a movie you know they loved. You can also host a virtual funeral, as many families are doing.

Learn more about helping children with grief.

During times of change or high stress, it’s important to model healthy coping strategies. Staying calm, patient and understanding with others, and yourself, will not only be grounding for those around you, it will demonstrate that it’s possible to manage difficult emotions and challenging times.

Kids pick up on their parents’ stress and anxiety, which is often amplified by lack of sleep and physical activity. Talk openly with your family about the benefits of good sleep, exercise and healthy eating, and why it’s important for everyone to try and maintain a positive attitude about new memories or traditions you can create this year.

It’s normal to feel anxious in an uncertain time like this. If you are feeling like this or experiencing any of these signs, don't be alarmed:

• Fear of coming down with the coronavirus, and concerns about health and wellbeing of yourselves, your family and loved ones.
• Uncertainty and anxiety due to uncertainty in the future and changing guidelines.
• Pressure to work longer, harder or differently while balancing childcare and other changes in family routines and availability.
• Isolation from family, friends, co-workers and community support systems.
• Significant disruption in our usual routine and reduction in our enjoyable and recreational activities.
• Conflicting demands between work and family responsibilities.

It's normal to feel increased stress as we respond to the numerous challenges and demands of the pandemic.

Increased stress, while unsettling, can help you focus and attend to the important things needed to do to remain healthy and maintain your wellbeing at home and/or work. Here are a few tips from our experts:

Check-in with yourself

We all experience stress differently. Take a moment at the beginning and/or end of each day (and throughout as needed) to check-in with yourself to assess your feelings and thoughts. Knowing and accepting how you are doing will help to meet your needs.

Schedule time to worry

If you find it hard to focus while worried, schedule a short time (only 5 or 10 minutes) to write down your concerns on a post-it, journal or note on your phone. It can help them seem more manageable and allow you to "snooze" unwanted worried thoughts throughout the day.

Breathe and be present

Future concerns and "what if" questions can take you out of the present moment. Practice deep breathing or mindfulness while doing other regular routines like washing your hands, brushing your teeth or folding laundry. This will help you stay present, focused and grounded in the here-and-now.

Define what you can control

Defining what you can control helps to make plans and have direction when feeling overwhelmed. Write down a list of things you can and cannot control to focus your efforts and actions on the things you can.

Stay connected

Reach out to family, friends and colleagues for support. Call or use video chat with individuals or groups to meet your social needs and reduce feelings of isolation. Connect over shared interests, jokes, entertainment or other healthy distractions to avoid discussing only the news.

Exercise, rest and eat well

Attend to your basic needs. Exercise is a great way to reduce stress and help you sleep better in the evening. Even simple activities such as walking up and down the stairs, doing 2 to 3 minutes of stretching, or a few yoga poses can make significant changes in the physical, emotional and cognitive reactions to stress. Whenever possible, getting outside for a walk is even better!

Take time to make a nutritious meal. It's worth the energy it takes to step away from other tasks and can be a fun activity to do with the whole family.

Focus on strength and positivity

Amidst all the challenges, fears and stress, remind yourself of what is going well and what you are grateful for. You and your family have many strengths that have helped you overcome challenges in the past. Bring them to mind and know they will help you get through the challenges you face today.

Before you go to sleep each night, reflect on three good things or special moments from the day. Think of someone or something you are grateful for and write it down.