Babies cry all the time. Still, as a parent, it’s normal to feel frustrated and confused when your baby’s upset, especially if there’s no apparent cause.

Do not worry; there are ways to soothe a crying baby, and the crying will stop eventually.

“Remember, in moments of frustration, it’s always OK to safely set your baby down and take time to relax before returning to care for your baby,” says Antonia Chiesa, MD, pediatrician with the Child Protection Team at Children’s Colorado.

Why babies cry so much and what to do

Crying is the only way that babies can communicate their feelings. Babies cry when they’re hungry, tired, uncomfortable, frustrated or lonely.

"Think of it as their first language," Dr. Chiesa says. "As you spend more time with your little one, you'll start to recognize the subtle differences–like the difference between the 'I'm hungry' whimper versus the 'I'm overstimulated' wail. It takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Additionally, regardless of why a baby is crying, holding them can be incredibly soothing. Despite common myths, you can’t “spoil” a baby by comforting them.

"Responding to your baby's cries with comfort and closeness builds a strong foundation of trust and security,” Dr. Chiesa says. “It teaches them that their needs will be met, which is crucial for healthy emotional development."  

Sometimes crying stops as quickly as it begins. Other times, babies may cry for a long time for no apparent reason. As a parent, it’s important to remember: Your baby is not mad at you, and you are not a bad parent if your child cries or you can’t quickly stop them from crying.

"It's so easy to internalize a baby's cry as a reflection of your parenting,” Dr. Chiesa says. “Please know, it's not. Babies cry. It’s a normal part of their development, and your ability to instantly soothe them doesn't define your worth as a parent."

Dealing with the frustrations of a calming a crying baby

It's completely normal for babies to cry, and it's just as normal to feel frustrated when they won't stop. In those moments, you might feel like you're reaching your limit. As a parent or caregiver, you're only human. You will have times when you feel tired and overwhelmed.

At times like these, keep in mind:

1. It's normal for babies to begin to cry more frequently around 2 weeks of age, as their nervous systems are still maturing.
2. Crying usually increases and peaks around 2 months, but it may continue to increase until 4 to 5 months.
3. Babies commonly cry more in the evening.
4. Crying can last 30 to 40 minutes or longer.
5. Even otherwise healthy infants may spend up to 4 or 5 hours a day crying.
6. Sometimes your baby may need to cry to relieve stress. If you’ve checked all the usual suspects—diaper, hunger, comfort—it's OK to let them cry.
7. Crying may come and go without any reason.
8. There may be times when no soothing technique works.

No matter how challenging it gets, it is never OK to shake, hit or throw your baby, set them down roughly or harm them in any way. Instead, when you feel overwhelmed, take the time to step away and calm yourself before returning to caring for them.

"If you feel your frustration escalating to a point where you might lose control, put your baby in a safe place like their crib, walk away, and take a few minutes to breathe and calm down,” Dr. Chiesa says. “Your baby's safety is paramount."

Always remember: The crying will stop eventually.

How to calm a crying baby

"Before trying a dozen soothing techniques, start with the basics,” advises Dr. Chiesa. “Often, a baby's cry is a straightforward request."

Check your baby's physical needs first:

1. Is your baby hungry or thirsty?
2. Do they need to be burped?
3. Are they too hot or cold?
4. Is their diaper dirty?

If you've run through the checklist above, and your baby is still crying, check for signs of illness or fever.

"Trust your parental intuition," Dr. Chiesa encourages. "If your baby's cry sounds different, if they seem listless, have a fever or you just feel something is off, don't hesitate to seek medical advice."

If you think the baby may be sick, seek medical attention immediately. If you do not have a pediatrician or primary care team or they are unavailable, call our ParentSmart Healthline anytime, day or night, to speak with one of our pediatric nurses: 720-777-0123.

If your baby is healthy and their physical needs are met, try any of the following tips to help calm your crying baby:

1. Gently rock your baby, hold them close or walk with them.
2. Stand up, hold your baby close and gently bounce by repeatedly bending your knees. Many babies find the rhythmic motion calming, as it can mimic the feeling of being in the womb.
3. Sing or talk to your baby in a soothing voice.
4. Lightly rub or stroke your baby's back, chest or tummy.
5. Offer a pacifier or try to distract your baby with their favorite rattle or toy.
6. Swaddle the baby with a soft blanket, which can provide a sense of security. Ensure the swaddle is not too tight.
7. Take the baby for a ride in a stroller or in a secured car seat. But remember, car seats are for travel, not for regular routine sleep.
8. Turn on soft music or white noise, such as a vacuum cleaner or clothes dryer.

Try each of the above for a few minutes before switching to something else, or combine a few, like playing some soft music while you gently rock your baby.

"Don't get discouraged if the first thing you try doesn't work immediately," Dr. Chiesa says. "Sometimes it's a combination of techniques, or you might need to try one for several minutes. Every baby is different, and what works one day might not work the next."

How to calm yourself

If nothing works, it is OK to set your baby in a safe place, such as a crib or an infant seat, or give them to another trusted adult and take time to calm yourself down.

"Recognizing your own limits and taking a break is a sign of responsible parenting, not weakness,” Dr. Chiesa emphasizes. “It prevents a situation from escalating."

Leave the room, shut the door, take a few deep breaths, and call a friend or family member.

Tips for self-soothing before returning to your baby:

1. Take deep breaths while counting to slow the pace of your breathing.
2. Try some light exercise, such as 10 push-ups or sit-ups.
3. Listen to calming music.
4. Call a trusted friend, family member or neighbor to chat for a few minutes.
5. Ask a trusted friend, family member or neighbor to come over to watch the baby, so you can go outside for a few breaths or take a quick walk around the block.

Preventing traumatic brain injury: a critical reminder

Shaking a baby or toddler can cause serious, sometimes fatal, head injuries or permanent disabilities. This is called abusive head trauma (AHT), previously known as shaken baby syndrome.

Babies' brains are very fragile and their neck muscles are weak, so when they are shaken, their heads flop back and forth, causing the brain to slam against the inside of the skull. This causes the blood vessels to tear and blood to collect inside the baby's skull, causing irreparable damage to the brain. The best way to prevent AHT is to ensure you and anyone caring for your baby understands the risks and how to respond to a crying baby safely.